Hey guys, how’s it going? June ended up being a shitty month. You know how you let yourself go a day or two or three and suddenly the month’s just gone and you’re left bewildered over how you let that happen. If you’re wondering, that’s me right now. I hope ya’ all are faring better.
I’ve been thinking about something for awhile now. I don’t know if it’s the depression talking or if it’s just the regular-weird-old-me. Every time I’ve felt down, or someone made me feel inferior or I’ve been mowed down by adversity or bad stuff in my life, I’ve turned to inspirational quotes I’ve saved, or words of wisdom by people who experienced difficult traumatic experiences and came out of it stronger. It’s always boosted me and helped me stand up again.
But what if all this time I’ve just been deluding myself? What if the encouragement, the inspiration from the sayings and quotes wasn’t real? What if I was only trying to feel better about myself when in reality I’m just seeing things as I want them to be and not AS THEY ARE?
Just to give a few examples:
1 – It’s just a bad day, not a bad life. (But what if it is a bad life?)
2 – Believe in yourself and you’ll be unstoppable. (Yeah, right, give me a break.)
3 – There’s magic in you. (Nope, I’m just an empty shell.)
I can go on and on, and debug every inspirational quote especially the ones about staying positive, even in the midst of the most depressing moments in life.
The one quote I’ve always found, without any shred of doubt, to be absolutely true is something that Sherrilyn Kenyon always says, “There are three sides to every story. Yours. Theirs. And the truth that isn’t clouded by human emotions that filter everything.”
So I’m always going to be biased because I’m only seeing my side of the truth and not the unvarnished truth, the reality of my life. And my mind can’t accept that. My mind wants clarity and keeps questioning everything over and over again.
Why am I like this? Why do I do these things? Why am I so slow in everything? Why, why, why? Who am I really? Every time I think I know, something derails me and throws me in for a loop.
Have I sent you spiralling into an existential crisis yet? If you hang around, I’ll get to you sooner or later.