Just yesterday I had this thought in my head, “I don’t understand people. More often than not, I strive, over and over to get a handle on them. And still, all I have are more questions and a whole lot of confusion.”
It sparked an idea for a post but I couldn’t decide where I wanted to go with it, until today’s prompt kindled the spark.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been an introvert. As a child, I loved books more than playing with other children. I preferred my own company to others, preferred to be left to my own devices rather than forced to accede to society’s expectations of me. As an adult, I still love books, still prefer Me time over social outings. And now I have full control over my time and how I spend it. (yay, me!)
I was told often enough by family members that it wasn’t normal for me to live my life with my head buried in books that maybe part of me believed it and I guess I was often condemned for it. Then I came across the Holy Grail, a.k.a, Goodreads and found other bibliophiles like me. Suddenly, it wasn’t such a bad thing that I loved books more than anything in the world. I found people I could talk to about books of every type and in every genre. What a miracle that was for me!
Contrary to popular belief, we introverts aren’t such a shy breed. Once we find someone who’s on the same wavelength as us, (another bookworm), you couldn’t shut us up if you tried.
And still, I’m eternally puzzled by people, especially civilians (people who don’t read) confuse me. I am what you call an INTJ (Introversion, Intuition, Thinking, Judgment), which is just one of the many Myers-Briggs psychological types. I speak my mind and I’m truthful almost to a fault. I don’t see the point in lying about things or pretending to be a good person when I’m not. I’m sarcastic and I can’t stand liars and hypocrites. If that makes me mean, I’m good with it.
It took me a long time to get to where I am, to who I am. I like who I am now and I don’t see the logic in pretending to be superior or better than others. Especially in matter of principles. I don’t understand how some people can just throw away their beliefs, (especially when they make it known how they stand fast in light of adversity), for greed. How they can justify using other people and treating them like garbage. Doesn’t their conscience subject them to self-flagellation? I don’t get it.
I don’t understand why people have to lie and cheat. Why can’t they just speak the truth? Yes, I get it that you don’t have to express every feeling – I don’t – I prefer to speak when I have something to say. But why do people have to lie and use others for their own greed? I work with a bunch of people who’d smile to your face and to your back? Oh, boy, better watch out for that serrated knife. And they have the nerve to get pissed and act victimized when I refuse to be a hypocrite. Why is it so hard for them to do the right thing and to be considerate of others?
I don’t understand it. I don’t understand them.
But the one thing that’s crystal-clear to me, with no confusion at all, is that I know I don’t want to be like these people. I know who I am – die-hard bookworm, introvert, sarcastic – and I’m just fine with it. How many people can say they like who they are and aren’t ashamed of it?
Books taught me to be who I wanted to be, taught me about doing the right thing and to accept myself. Books filled my world with magic and color, and oh, with so much wonder! My view of the world and people don’t mesh with others and that’s fine. A bookworm and an introvert is who I am and proud of it.